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In Hungary, there are a number of couples who have infertility problems on either the male or the female side, and sometimes the couple is somatic, that is, bodily causes to the child.In such cases, the potential for germ cell donation is predominant, which results in the conceiving of a baby by a relative or anonymous donor's sperm (egg or sperm). Because in such cases, the woman can carry the baby herself, and the environment does not necessarily become aware of the fact that baby donation is born. Parents may have many doubts in this regard, such as telling their workplace, family, or infant that they have participated in a donation program. This difficult request was solved with the help of Higi Vera, a psychologist at the Versys Clinics Human Reproduction Institute.
Is there a similarity in the spiritual background of germ cell donation and adoption?
From the point of view of the fact that one of the couple's members is not a biological parent of the child to be born, many aspects are much more personal to the adoptive parent. Parents expect the baby to be born together, that is, they live together for the nine months they will have, as even if the baby is not genetically born, the baby will grow up in the womb. At this point, we know exactly from research that maternal sensations, hormones in the mother's body, and the relationship of the father to the mother are affected.
Germ cell donation has its advantages. Are there any drawbacks to traditional adoption?
Germ cell donation is perhaps more "unequal" in terms of accepting that in such cases, one member of the couple is genetically born, while the other is not. Occasionally, we find that each member of the couple feels remorse for this. One of them, because he feels that he cannot have a baby because of him, and because of his conception, he is unable to conceive at home, the intimate circumstances of the baby, and the other, because he thinks he is wrong.
How to resolve this difficult situation?
Fortunately, many people are able to share their concerns about the situation on their own. Couples who are used to having relationships that are capable of resolving disputes, even if they are in dispute, generally find it easier to do so. They are also frightened if they manage to handle this situation, because this conscience conflict will no longer appear in their child's feelings.
What about couples who don't want to talk about the problem?
We mostly meet men to try to look like a "stramm" before their couple and their surroundings. They more often admit that if we do not talk about roula, they will not be tired. However, they also keep the pressure, even if they try to ignore it. For in many ways, spiritual pressure is like a physical burden. If we carry a heavy weight not in our hands, but put it on our backs in a backpack, so as not to see it, it will burden us as if it were in front of our eyes. Even if difficult, this is increasingly being recognized in relation to spiritual problems.
As with adoption, the question arises here as to whether it is worthwhile to tell the environment or the child about the donation.
Is there any research on this topic?
For example, an American research publication in the Fertility and Sterility magazine asked for 141 donations of a married couple. Based on the reports, the couples who chose to tell their children about the concept of conception were able to choose between two strategies. One strategy is that parents have been telling their conception of a child at three to the age of three - that is, when children begin to inquire about how a baby is born. The reason is that you want your child to "grow into this", that is, do not get cold showers and do not lose confidence in their parents. The other strategy was for parents to consider the time when the child was old enough to actively ask questions. From this strategy, we found that parents were generally more uncertain in themselves and in the children's future response. These parents feared more that they would hurt their children even if they positively claimed donation. In general, however, the experience that family secrets leave a mark on relationships, for example, parents are less likely to be entitled to account for a child if they themselves hide such an important thing.
How can these couples be helped in this difficult situation?
Everyone is worth helping in their own place and it is important to take into consideration the couple's requests. Parents in this situation can most of all help each other by listening to the others and discussing how their couple will overcome this whole situation. In this period, a peer-to-peer psychologist or other psychologist can be professional help, but of course all professionals involved in the program need to deal with this situation with sufficient experience. You also need to know that although the somatic context is many times similar to each other, every couple has a unique life story, an individual case, and that is why they have to be helped to find their own solution. Source: Higi Vera, Psychologist, Fellow of the Versys Clinics Humane Reproduction Institute,