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Having a messy home does not mean that you have removed your mother


Before I had a child, I wondered what my new mother's day would look like. Social media and magazines are about gamers, moms groups and fun - writes Today's Parent.

Having a messy home does not mean taking out a new mom (Fotу: iStock) The first few days with the baby were really magical, the family was overwhelmed, we were given gifts, and the lectures were thrown upon me. I've never felt so loved and important. After less and less visitation and my return to work, I was left alone with the mysterious little boy who just drank, ate and slept. I didn't have time to shower, eat, and of course the mess in the house just kept getting bigger. And at the top of everything, I felt more lonely. When I was watching pictures of super moms in public media, with perfect nurseries, I shut down my laptop and started to cry with my son. The dishes covered the sink, the dirt was on the basket, and my son just missed his last clean kick. I had no idea how to keep my home as organized and clean as any other mum who had shared a picture of this in the online space had to care for an insatiable, tiny person. With my wife we ​​could only talk about feeding, and we slept two nights at night - we barely had the power to do any other tasks like this one week ago. parent group. As I walked into the host, I noticed that the lawn was well cared for. When I opened the door, I found a house that was as perfect as the pictures I had seen. His home was immaculate. I was wondering what all the wrong socks might think when I took off my boots and followed them into the kitchen. The floor was shining, there was no dish in the sink in the trendy room, and the host seemed calm, healthy and balanced. And the adorable baby was dressed in perfect, pretty clothes, just like I saw in magazines. We just went into the living room, where I learned that every week, another member of the group was going to see everyone. After that, I quickly walked around with something wrong, put on the baby and ran with it. The idea of ​​these mothers coming to my messy house, sucking the litter off the couch to make room for them to sit down with their babies was horrible. I knew I would never be able to be a host, so I didn't go to the group anymore. The family I grew up with always believed that purity meant being good and good. Saturdays are always filled with house cleaning. I took this pious thing with me into my adult life - until I became a mom. When my family planned a visit, I spent the week leading up to my arrival: dusted, dressed in my body, showering and sleeping rather than dressing. When they finally arrived, I was so exhausted by the cost of cleaning that I couldn't really enjoy their visit.I can't imagine the cultural pressures that make women feel pressured to keep the house clean and tidy at all times. In 2019, a study appeared in the Journal of Sociological Methods & Research, which found that women are treated based on the cleanliness of their home, but not on men. Perfect images in the social media make this mosaic even more so - that mothers are always clean and tidy, as are their homes and always cheerful when they are with their children. These images have dramatically changed my perception of the truth, and I thought I'd taken off as a new mother: I was so afraid that they would be left behind because of my messy home, that I would have preferred to have a private home when I was in dire need of my family. By then, I was able to meet other honest women of all kinds who had revealed their imperfect home and chaotic family and made it easier for myself. I started following some flesh-and-blood moms blogs that significantly raised my appreciation. Motherhood with two children still had less time, so I had to decide whether to keep the apartment immaculately clean or stay sober, since it would have been impossible to perform all the tasks properly. And while social rejection hasn't changed, I've learned that I'm not the only woman who survives. I learned to recognize these women in the world of currency: in the shop, on the street, in the library. These are the women who rescued. Finally, I realized that I do not need to be so critical of myself and remain lonely. A flawless house does not make a good mother, nor is a messy mother a bad mother. In fact, clutter most of the time means that bigger, more important things take time away from me, and I'm with my kids. Motherhood is a little messy - and it's okay to show it to others. (VIA)Related links: